Sunday, December 31, 2006

Back on the bandwagon

My energy and motivation are back, and I'll be posting about my continuing diet and exercise program over at my RFR blog. I lost 60 lbs last year, and want to lose another 60 this year. Stop by from time to time!

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Poker? I don't even know her (again!)

As you can tell from the subject matter of my posts, I'm not playing much poker right now. I dropped $50 back into my 'Stars account earlier in the month, and promptly lost it playing micro-SNGs within this micro-'roll. Once again, post-mortem analysis showed Morton's Theorem was well at work.

In fact, I can say that this is the biggest difference between high-buy-in and low-buy-in SNGs.

In high-buy-in SNGs, you never play multi-way pots after level 2, and you're never multi-way after the turn in any level. It just isn't done. In low-buy-in SNGs, multiway is the norm, even in bubble play and beyond. Toss equity out the window, tournament strategy is a foreign concept, and schooling-of-the-fishes is the theme. Going heads-up with AK vs QQ is one thing, going multi-way with KK vs AJo vs 77 vs T9s is a recipe for a bad beat. All you can do is play ABC poker and hope you don't get cold-decked at a bad time.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Me Likee the Milfs!

There's something about a Milf. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because they've been to the dance and know the score. I don't know, I'm just babbling right now.

I've never screwed around on either of my wives. Never will, either. Believe it or not, even a tub-o like me has had chances. Not as many as some, but sometimes there's just no accounting for the bad taste some women have in men.

We saw alot of them on a daily basis this past month. 95% were just there to get something for their husbands. The other 5% were shopping for cell phones and didn't want their husbands to know.

Just a random aside: Why do women show cleavage when shopping for cell phones? The prices don't change... not that I'm complaining... anyway...

So, anyway, I was on the receiving end of a hard press from one this past weekend. Aside from being uncomfortable with it for marital reasons, this incident was even more so because she was with her son.

Geez, I hope this one wasn't a tranny, too.

Regardless, after making my initial approach, she took the reins and dragged me around the store asking questions about everything under the sun, flirting all along the way. Then came back 3 more times during the day, always seeking me out, and always flirting. I dodged her on the last visit, and she left without speaking with any of my co-workers.

I really need to start wearing my wedding ring.

Others have been much less approachable. I'm a sucker for a woman with class. I can't tell you exactly what seperates classy vs. not-classy but, like porn, I know it when I see it. It's something in the way they carry themselves. Well-groomed, without being overly made up. Fashion, in-style but age-appropriate - nothing is less attractive than a 38-year old woman dressed like her 16-year old daughter. Confident, friendly, witty... where was I?

Christmas surely brought the Milfs out in force. Today, I'm a little blue. The Milfs have gone away, leaving only the aged, the smelly, and the whores in their place.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Blogger Beta

We interrupt these irrelevant posts about my work for the following about blogging...

Made the move to blogger. They appear to have transferred the whole template over, lock, stock, and barrel. It looks like I can still edit the html as before, but I can't use the modules as can be done with a standard blogger template.

I'll live.

I may, in the future, work up a template that gives me 3 columns and is standard to blogger. I've already got one I kind of like for a blog I'm fiddling with that I'm not ready to pimp just yet. But, for the time being, I kind of like what I have.

Update: I think maybe, maybe the rss/atom feed was hosed in the conversion. I notice a few other blogs in my bloglines account are having a similar issue. I'll look into it and reports back if I figger it out.

Turning the tables on the assholes

Without a doubt, the hottest gift this year was the iPod. Nothing else was even close. Well, maybe Sirius radio was close.

Late Friday afternoon we received a final shipment of 9 Nanos. Three were already sold and being held for customers, and 2 hours later we were down to our final unit.

A couple of women in their late-30's or early-40's came in looking at mp3 and iPod. One had just purchased an mp3 at Kmart and wanted to compare to what we had available. I told them about the final iPod, and the woman was very interested.

Her asshole friend spent the next ten minutes talking her out of it. I knew why. I'd seen it before.

I let them know the iPod would be gone shortly if they didn't buy now. The asshole friend gave a "yeah, right" look and shook her head. I gave her my "whatever" look.

Thirty minutes later, the next Mrs. Big walked in. Stunning. Absolutely stunning. Flawless body. Absolutely, positively, a lottery-wife. You know, the one you only get after you win the lottery.

She bought the last iPod.

As she was walking away from the register, the asshole friend walked in. Of course, she gave the next Mrs. Big one of those "oh-what-a-thin-blond-bitch" looks middle-aged women give to goddesses.

She approached me and said, "Remember me? I was just in here a little while ago? I want the iPod".

Yeah, the asshole friend talked her "friend" out of the last iPod so she could buy it herself. Nice friend.

Is it possible for a woman to be a douchebag?

I think so.

So, it was with exaggerated politeness and sarcasm that I announced with glee, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but that lady you just looked at as you walked up here just bought it."

"What?" She then started sputtering like her head was going to explode. I could tell she was replaying the conversation to see if she told me to hold the iPod. I never hold iPods. I don't have to. They ALWAYS sell. You pay me first, then I go to work digging one up. Supply and demand, baby.

"Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you're too late. Your friend should have purchased it when you were in here."

Dudes, dudettes, I've never been on the receiving end of the "I'm-going-to-kill-you" look from a woman. And I've been divorced.

But, I know what that is like now.

The hooker that paid for her phone $10 at a time

And the weird, wonderful world of diversity that is St. Augustine continues. I suppose I should point out that I am judging a book by its cover. But, if it walks like a duck, yadda, yadda, yadda...

She was wearing daisy-dukes, a tube-top, and 'fuck-me' pumps. Of course, the boss waited on her. She wasn't clear about the mail-in rebate associated with the phone, and was short the $60 she needed for her phone and bluetooth earpiece. She'd paid her non-refundable deposit, however, so she was stuck - we could cancel the contract, but she would be out $100.

Every hour on the hour, she returned with an additional $10. Her fat friend, dressed even more outrageously (really, some people need to get full-length mirrors - I mean, I'm fat, I know it, and I dress appropriately. I know y'all don't want to see my fat ass.) We closed before she had enough. The following evening, she returned three more times, each time with another $10.

Hell, I was rooting for her by this time. I even told my coworkers I might be willing to chip in the last $10 for some backroom time.

Shut up, I was kidding.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

You knew it was coming...

Leave it to the good folks at Busted Tees to jump on the cock-in-a-box bandwagon. Be sure to get yours before NBC's lawyers cock-block 'em!

Waiting on a tranny

Working retail at Christmas, variance rears it's ugly head in the form of the people you meet.

They were like many people I sell to, a couple of people staring at cell phones with their eyes glazed over. It appeared to be a mother with a teenage son wearing a hoodie over his head. When I approached and introduced myself, I'm sure the shock was written all over my face.

Very obviously, I was looking at a man.

The beard appeared to have received a recent electrolysis. The biceps and triceps were starting to get flabby like a middle-aged woman's, but the forearms were still heavily muscled. And the hands. Oh my, the hands.

Total man-hands.

I thought I managed the selling process well, telling myself, "Be a big boy, grow up, there's all kind of people in the world and isn't it great that the son is out and about with his father (I think... hmm...) even though he appears to be trying to hide in the hoodie."

I took care of the phone, got them hooked up with the right deal for them and the wrong deal for the company. I don't care, I see my job as meeting the customer's needs so they keep coming back, not sacrificing the thousands they'll spend in the future just to maximize today's commission.

I was patting myself on the back for my enlightened attitude, treating this person like I would want to be treated, and closed the sale like I do every one by saying, "Hey, you guys have a good day."

Der. Open mouth, insert foot.

Friday, December 22, 2006

They tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel...

I need to write a few stories about some interesting work experiences when the Christmas death march is over. Here's a preview of what will be coming:

1. Waiting on a tranny.
2. The hooker that paid for her cell phone $10 at a time.
3. Turning the tables on the assholes.
4. Me likee the milfs.
5. Poker? I don't even know her.

See? See? There's something about poker there!

C'mon, Brandi vs. Tom Franklin is SO last week...

This battle is much better!

Damn, my respect for Donald went up big-time!

The best part in the next one is the look on Anderson's face at the end!

Rosie's response (weak, like Donald says...):

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Six Degrees of Tilt

After the last blogger gathering June, I read the trip reports with the sense that maybe it was a bit anti-climactic. Some of the old souls were remembering the first gathering wistfully, and I thought maybe my opportunity had passed me by.

Reading this latest round, I realized that maybe y'all have a little left in the tank for when I get around to joining the party. These are some damn good reports, and alot of fun just to read.

Well done!

Monday, December 18, 2006

"Cut a hole in the box..."

If you didn't see this on SNL last Saturday, it's the funniest damn thing I've seen in a while. Love the beards, the chains, the clothes... !


I hardly ever read the pro's blogs anymore. I suspect 90% are ghost-written. But this post by Daniel came through my google feed and I just had to share the part about him seeing Jamie Lynn-Sigler on a flight. Nice to know that even the rich and famous can get tongue-tied and stupid around beautiful women.

Poker Journal - I Have a New Protege! by Daniel Negreanu:

"Anyway, I headed to Bahamas for the final table of the protégé contest and on my flight I noticed Jamie Lynn-Sigler. She was at the airport in Miami headed to Bahamas as well. I'd never met her before and have always felt extremely awkward when it comes to meeting others that are on television. Usually I say nothing and just ignore it altogether.

Thing is, I JUST saw her on an episode of 20/20 talking about her eating disorder, etc. and thought it was very moving. As she walked by where I was sitting I said something like, 'That was an excellent piece on 20/20.'

She turned to me and replied with a genuine thank you and then walked away. I was pretty tired by that point and then said this, 'By the way, we have a mutual friend.'

She turned back and said, 'Oh really, who?' I then realized the truth, we DON'T have a mutual friend??? When I said it, I thought we did, but then when she asked me the question I stared blankly at her like a complete idiot and said, 'Um, never mind.'

Huh? What the???? What a complete idiot I am! I can't tell you how stupid I felt. She must have thought I was a complete weirdo. I thought that she played poker or something like that, but I had her mixed up with somebody else I think. I don't even eat eggs, but there was a whole bunch of egg all over my face at the time.

When we got off the plane she was next to me at baggage claim. Would I stick my foot in my mouth again? You betcha! Out of the blue, I said, 'I had you mixed up with someone else. I was really tired and got all confused and had a brain fart.'

At that point I didn't say anything too goofy and she nodded letting me know that it's fine. But oh no, I then added, "Ever have a brain fart before? I'm sure you've had one eh?"While I'm speaking I'm thinking to myself, "Shut up! You idiot, what are you saying? Run, run away.... fast!"

Friday, December 15, 2006

Blogger Beta Info


Truth be known, I've played with Beta for a new blog I'm working on, completely unrelated and unlike anything I've done before. I kind of like it.

But, I'm terrified at the thought of moving this beast over. I've done massive customizations, and let's face it, the fact that alot of us make a couple bucks with these things raises the stakes for us. From the way I read it, the templates will be brought over intact, but some of the functionality of Beta may be missing.

But, what do I know.

Anyway, IF I do this (and it looks like Blogger will force the issue in a few months - that's what i get for taking advantage of free webspace), I think I'll time it over the holidays when i know alot of you won't be checking in. Just in case, dontchaknow....

If you're getting ready to take the plunge, remember to BACK-UP everything.

Back to the research...

Lycos announces the most popular search terms of 2006 Feature Story

Lycos announces the most popular search terms of 2006 Feature Story

Poker, number 1.

Well done, folks, well done.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

...and milk shot out of my nose...

I'm currently in the death march known in retail as "Christmas", but had a couple hours this morning to start catching up. I know better, but I started with an uber. Had to stop when I couldn't quit laughing at this line:

"Anymore, getting irked at Phil for being a tard is like getting mad at a Smurf
for being blue."


By the way, Blogger is now telling me I can migrate my site to Beta. Anyone done this yet? Did you have issues if you were using a non-blogger template? Any advice on what to look out for?

Sunday, December 10, 2006

2,324 Miles

That's how far it is from Jacksonville to Vegas. I think.

Didn't stop me from tying one on, though. Got home from work, sat down with a book and a glass of wine, and lost track of time... and the wine.

Got sloppy drunk. Got so drunk, I became anti-semitic (hat-tip to Comedy Central for that one!).

Got so drunk, I told Mrs. Big I loved her.

Why am I writing about it? I hate doing that when my kids are around. Thankfully, I've not done that before around them, so they didn't realize why daddy was being silly. But, still, not good doing that around the kiddos.

Felt great when I woke up, though. Go figure. Best night of sleep in a looong time.


Got a friend willing to give me 14 pts on the OSU-FLA game. I don't think the gators can win, but when a former safety for OSU ("Woody Hayes was like a father to me") wants to bet with his heart, who am I to argue?


Just watching a little Sportscenter. This story they're doing on athlete's and guns is stupid. A couple guys are talking about how they'll use their weapons if they're threatened. Who'da thunk Karl Malone would be the voice of reason? Karl points out that if you weren't hanging out in places and putting yourself in situations that are threatening, you wouldn't need a gun.

Not that I'm anti-gun. Most of my family and friends are gun-owners with concealed permits. My father retired in the spring and bought a handgun the next week (yeah, THAT news made it back to the workplace in a flash!). Buccaneermike and Joeboddy kept weapons visible and handy at poker games back when we'd play with 'friends of friends'. We don't do that anymore.

But, is it really smart to go on NATIONAL television and brag about how quickly you can get off 3 rounds from your 9-mm?

Retard. Just asking for trouble.

I don't have a gun because I don't trust my own judgement in situations where most people might use one. I once walked up on two guys stealing my car. Most people, outnumbered and not knowing their opponents, would just yell and call the police. I did a TJ Hooker on the hood of the car and rolled off when they peeled out getting away.

What if I'd had a gun? Would it really have been worth killing someone over an '87 Oldsmobile?

Back in college, I lived with some old friends from high school. One ran a courier service for his father, and had the contract to deliver interoffice mail in central florida for a major telecommunications company. Among the contracts and business documents were paychecks, and his company was authorized to carry weapons. He refused, and wouldn't let his drivers carry either.

His rationale was that if you carry a weapon, people think you have something worth killing for.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Poker? I don't even know her...

I was playing well earlier this week - seriously well.

Fold. Fold. Fold. Setting traps, executing squeeze plays, bluffing with air post-flop knowing I wouldn't be called. Seriously in the zone. Then, the 1, 2, and 3-outers started hitting against me. Then, it was my kings all-in pre-flop against aces. And, of course, I tilted a little, playing too many hands out of positions. Last night, 2 SNGs, one a "normal" speed, and one a turbo, where I got my money in bad. The last one was my AT vs. AK where I pushed the last of my stack in on the turn, knowing I was pot-committed anyway and calling his hand as I did so.
I logged off, then reflected a little on my growth as a player.

How I react to non-optimal situations today versus 3 years ago is the biggest difference in my game. Let's face it, it's pretty easy to learn starting hand selections and the most common plays, pot odds, heck, even chip equity is a simple concept (but try to calculate it in your head, on the fly, in 12 seconds... g'head, g'head, I'll wait...). Dealing with adversity, though, that's the tricky part.

Yeah, I tilted a little. But, I didn't blow off my roll in anger over the bad beats. I didn't play above my limits chasing losses. I took my beating like a man, recognized I was now my worst enemy and logged off, calmly analyzed my play afterwards, saw the pattern, and prepared myself to get back to business this coming weekend.


Enjoy Vegas, y'all. I saw somewhere that there were something like 90 of you going!

Someday, I suppose, someday...

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Some reminders

So, a few of you are going to Sodom and Gemorrha, eh? Just remember, what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas when bloggers are involved. To wit:

Vegas Alibi Generator

Vegas Spy Reports (Scroll down to June 3 - these are broken into about a dozen or so posts, so it's easier to just go to that month's archive)

Saturday, December 02, 2006

The results are in...

The hottest Jessica is...

Jessica Alba          71%

Jessica Simpson   12%

Jessica Beal           18%

All I have to say about this is - have you people seen this?